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Wednesday, December 10, 2008

What was ur worst...

I know I've been away for awhile. Guess I kinda had writers block..or maybe I was just being lazy. Actually Imma blame all the folks over at YKYDAW for me being lax on here. I'm all on there telling them my biz and leaving y'all out. So i asked my new buncha inna-net frens what to blog about. Sum1, Acolyte i think, said the worst sex ever...well don't be expected sum long drawn out story..Bad sex=quick. But here it goes..

I had been seeing the dude in the bar for a few months...then one night we were pretty much there alone and started talking. Had alot in common...he was kinda cute and he was buying me drinks. So we talked for a few times...he took me out a few times...came by to smoke illegals. Doing pretty good.

UNTIL....

OH MY GAWD! I finally let dude hit it and well...I still don't think we actually had sex. Sex means that the penis actually goes in the vagina. Right? Right? Well if we're going offa that, we never phucked. And his face game was even worse. How da hell is ur mouth cold. Not "let me be sexy with sum ice" cold. Just plain out, this is my normal temperature, cold. UUUUUGHHHH.....I noticed the cold when he kissed me off guard. That's a big NO-No for me. Ion be kissing strangas. But, since he wanted to kiss so.damn.bad. i gave him sumthing to kiss. Big ass mistake! That shyt felt even worse on Miss Kitty...**thinks I shouldn't name my lady parts after my dead granny** UPDATE! Miss Kitty is now to be referred to as TPFKAMK(the pussy formally known as Miss Kitty)!...she was so shocked at the coolness of his mouth that the party was over after that. I just laid there and smoked a blunt and waited for the ride to stop. He was all grunting and sweating like he was putting in work. No sir. Well needless to say we never tried that again. Now I call him BBD-Big Baby Dick-behind his back and we're just frens.

What about y'all worst??? You know I'm nosey....

P.S.-BBD if you ever read this please don't be mad. What I said couldn't possibly be a shock to you. I'm so certain I am not the only one who feels like this about you. Thats why you got a wife and how she deals with it is beyond me. But I still luv ya. We cool? Right?

9 comments:

Acolyte said...

Sigh I could come up with quite a few from a dudes point of view.

There was this girl once who couldn't shut the hell up. She kept on commentating during the sex!
"Oh yes that feels so good"
"Ive been thinking about this for the longest time"
"Yes yes that's right..."
blah blah blah I swear I could have written a transcript!

She doesnt beat the chic with the smelly chocha. I swear when she lay down and took off her underwear the smell that filled the room?! And she didnt seem bothered while I was doing my best not to tear away. I most def took one for the team that night.

chavita!!! <3 said...

Guy came all the way from tim buck too........to come see me


lmao

saggy condom

:0 ugh!!!!!

reedwrites said...

I am ROTFL...I so feel your pain!!!

My worst...hands DOWN was this guy I met back when I used to work for Parks and Rec.

Besides the fact that I was grossed out that after a long day of work he decided to pull my sneakers off and suck my toes (I know they're mine, but damn shawty can a sista take a shower first...it's 90 degrees outside).

If that wasn't bad enough...when it finally did come down to it um... his dick was so little he missed...completely missed! When I corrected the problem, it was still so bad that I started planning my lunch for the next day. Literally! like damn, if I get out of here in the next 5-10 mins I can go to the 24 hour grocery store and get some turkey and some bread and make turkey sandwiches for lunch tomorrow. That's when I knew it was time to go! I got up... just was like get off me and I got up.

The kicker was he had the nerve to ask 'did I hurt you?' Maaaaaan it took all my energy not to bust out laughin. To this day we all ('cause you KNOW my girls heard all about it) refer to that poor boy as "turkey sandwich"

malika in atlanta said...

reedwrites had me literally laughing out loud over here. my worst was this guy that was a model. you've inspired me to blog about it, but it was silent. no noise. NONE. he was good looking, but the sex was so damned bad that i won't even brag about fucking a model. that was the worst 8 minutes of MY LIFE.

thundacat said...

lol...lawd Neva..i feel ya!...so here's my story...

i dont know if this counts as sex, cuz he aint put it in..but we was laying in the bed, and he was a big ole sexy mafukka...named Ryan, if i remember correctly...just sexy!..so anyways he had a big ole pretty dick and was pushin up againt my leg..slappin my thigh with it and such, we was just talking, chillin, he was playing with the puss, gettin it read...it was a real laid back time...than my leg started itching...*BaD* so im like "Ummm, ill be right back!"..i go into the bathroom and look at my thigh in the light...

there was a mafukkin red and raised outline on my thigh from where his dick had been chillin..*WtF*?? red and itchy like CRaZY!!! a total outline on my thigh, of his dick, in red irritated skin!!... man i took my ass back out there and told that mafukka to kick rox!! i said, "dont say shit to me!!, put ur clothes on and get the fuk outta my bed!!"

i scrubbed my leg with alcohol and threw my sheets away!!....

the moral of that is...everything that look good aint gud for ya!!

and P.S...acolyte...im real mad at u!!

Malik said...

Wow. That was brutal! Poor little man. I hope he doesn't read your blog. LOL.

Girlfriend, you need to start 'checking out the credentials' before you give someone a position.

Durty Mo said...

CTFU!!!!!!!!!! Po big baby dick! *eye roll* for blaming me for your laziness...

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

i have never had writers block - hope its over for u

putasmileon said...

Lmao @ Acolyte

you had me over here crackin the fugg up! And you still hit that even after smelling her nastey puss?lol. And guys dont like it when a girl talks during sex?lol.Because I do it all the time.lol.


My worst moment would have to be with this guy I had met in college. The sex was ok I guess but I couldnt focus because this nigga was sweating like crazy! And I dont mean "Im doin all the work sweatin" I mean REALLY sweating. And bcuz I was attending an HBCU @ the time, it was winter and the heat was barley working so it was mad cold! There was no reason for him to be sweatin' like that. Sweat was gettin in my eye and mouth and my entire body became DRENCHED with his salty ass sweat! It was disgusting. I was wishing he'd just hurry up and nut so I could get from out under him.