Friday, May 30, 2008

Let me ask a quick question

Let's say there is a set of Siamese twins. They have their own functioning brain and they just share legs. IF,one of them were to rob a bank and on the video footage and all eye witness accounts the other one was clearly not down with the shyt. He's telling the other one not to do it and he's screaming "I'm not a part of this shyt!!" How do they get sentenced? Do they have to go to jail? Would they go to some sort of hospital? House arrest? Alls I know is, if I was the "good" one, I'D.BE.PISSED.DA.PHUCK.OFF!

Weed is a helluva drug.


You know who I can't stand??????

MY MOMMA!!!!!!! Oooooooooo-weeeeeeeeeeeee! That little black ass lady know she gets on my very last nerve! Y'all know I got Big Boy and Little Boy, right? Well, you would have thought that she laid up on that table and pushed those big-headed jerks out. She always got some damn input on how they should be raised, what they should eat, what they should wear...blah blah blizzy-blah! When I was coming up, my granny let her do her thang. Whatever she wanted to do, whatever dusty ass negro she wanted to live with us, whatever social security number(mine)she she wanted to work under, my granny didn't bat an eyelash. So I really don't know where all this shyt comes from(insert blank stare here). Maybe she's just lonely. Or maybe she feels that she failed as a parent. Ion know. What I do know is, talking to her makes my ass itch. She should just send a note or sumthing. I wish!

She likes to think we don't get along cause I'm bi-polar. Nope! That ain't it. We don't get along cause I'm grown and she can't understand that. She likes to think that I argue with her cause I'm "off my meds". Nope! That ain't it either. We don't get along cause I won't let her run my household. I've even offered her to have my boys, just so that I don't have to deal with her. I know, that ain't right. So you know it must be bad. LOL! The funny thing about the whole situation is that, she doesn't even like kids. Trust me, I know, I was kid in her house once. I know how she gets down(ask me about the hot curling irons). Always screaming she gonna get foster kid. Oh no! Not if they gotta ask me anything, she won't. Cause I'm singing like a bird.

I've gone as far as to tell her that it costs X amount of dollars to run my house. If she pays that, she can do whatever da hell she wants to do in here. I'm still waiting on that dough.

BTW, if there are any cute dudes reading this, the offer stands for you too(wink wink). Ya just can't be dusty, my momma turned me off to y'all a long time ago.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The way I woke up.......

Back hurts.....head hurts.....hip hurts(don't ask). So I'm not doing shyt at work today. The 1st person that asks me to do something will feel my wrath!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Back at the slave camp.....

picking digital cotton for the man.

Uuuuggggh! A damn 3 day weekend wasted. I pretty much spent it on my deathbed. A bitch was ill y'all. It was like 1000 degrees yesterday and I'm in the crib swaddled in blankets like a newborn and shit.

Needless to say, goin to work today was not #1 on my list of fun shyt to do. I pretty much dicked around on the internet and made a few(by few I mean 3)calls that actually pertained to my job. I have come to the conclusion that I only like the black folks at my new gig. The white ones can pretty much kiss the full flatness of my ass. They put my desk across from the old pervy black dude there. Yeah, that's the ticket. Put me and my luscious 42DDs right across from his ass. Give him all day to say inappropriate shyt to me. I hate that shyt....OK I'm lying, it's actually kinda funny. He's safe, I won't tell.

Only to come home to this...

Big Boy: Momma! I hit a boy and he hit me back. His momma said she's gonna press charges!

Me: Do you have a note, 72, or a warrant for your arrest?

Big Boy: Nooooooooo.....

Me: What's this kid's name?

Big Boy: (insert ethic sounding 1st name here) Jackson

Me: Figures(mumbling that I'll kick his momma's ass). Well if you ain't got none of the above then fuck it!

Big Boy: I don't wanna go to jaaaaaiiiilllllll.

Me: Boy bye!

I know...hold your applause...I am the greatest parent ever!!! But, my kids are sum DRAMA KINGS!!!! They think that evvvvvvvvvvvverything is an emergency. I kinda(giving Little Boy the side-eye as he contemplates drinking my leftover cocktail from last night)ignore the fuck outta a lot of the nonsense that they tell me. I'm trying to get them to fight their own battles. I ain't no punk and neither are their fathers(so what). So, I don't get why they are so wimpy. I blame my momma. She doesn't want any of my male friends wrestling, slap boxing, kung fu fighting..none of that shit with her grandsons. That's a good way to get CPS called. Trust me, I know! LOL!!!

Monday, May 26, 2008

Priority vs. Option

OK, so I have been seeing(fucking)CAM since the summer of '06. We have the most unhealthy type of relationship possible. While I put forth as much effort possible, he...well...doesn't. I do all the calling, texting, and emailing. The problem is, while I shouldn't want this dude, I love him to death. The thing that makes the situation so much more "extra" is that i know he doesn't feel the same.

Well last week he went to ATL for his daughter's kindergarten graduation and I call him. Mind you before he left all I got was a series of text messages telling me that he "needs some" before his trip. Truth be told, I was thinking the same thing. But, he, of course, was pressed for time and we didn't get the deed in. So I call him after he had been gone and this is the convo

Me: Did you make it alright? Ur breathing? Are you being good?

CAM: Yeah i got here, I'm at my daughters graduation.

Me: Well tell her I said good job and..

CAM: (cuts me off totally) My daughter is talking to click apply if ur on a cell phone?)

Hold the fuck on!!!! You hung up on me 'cause a freaking 5 y/o is talking to you??? WTF is up with that? My kids know that if they see my phone on my ear, they don't speak to me unless it's a fucking emergency! I know, I know...I'm being a bitch right? I know it was her special day and all. But, what she doesn't know is that her daddy presents me with his penis on a regular basis and I feel that kinda gives me some kind of one-up on her. It does doesn't it?? Couldn't he had just told her to hold on for a sec, daddy's on the phone? Oh well. That whole situation prompted me to send him a text. I wished i had saved it. But it basically said that I'm not some bootleg bitch and refuse to be treated as such. I am not an OPTION! I am a PRIORITY! And if he can't treat me as such, then I'm done. I erased his number from my phone and set my phone to just accept calls from folks I have saved in my contacts. That was on Thursday. I have no clue if he has called or not. Let's see how long this lasts. I'm officially on strike!

Who? Me? A virgin?

Hello world. This is a new blog for me. So, while I'm not quite a virgin, I'm not a blog slut either. My other one was quite...errrr ummmm.....anonymous to say the least. So now I'm out in the open for everybody to see. I have come to a point in my life where I feel that I shouldn't be ashamed or feel sorry of anything that I do or say. Keep checking back and tell your friends!