A Drunk Ain't Shyt!!!!!

Man-oh-Man!!! Where dies the time go??? I know, I know, BAD BLOGGER! I know y'all look forward to my bullshyt. It's kinda like crack huh? But, nuthin has been going on really. I'm on a temp assignment with a group of event planners. What a bunch of high-strung batches! I swear! I already had to tell one of them the phrase of death--"Don't talk to me like that." Of course I said it in a syrupy-sweet, "non-threatening" way, through clenched teeth of course. If you know me, then you know, that is not a good thing if I have to tell you that. I think she got the hint. Personally, I think she's threatened by me. She needs not to be. I DON'T want her gig. Trust me! Dealing with Bride-Zillas everyday is not my idea of a good time.

Anywho...back to drunks aint shit....Basically I have been trying to lure various victims to my Above Ground Lair for about a week now and I am not getting everywhere. I mean I have tried old dudes, new dudes, strangers(not really). And no one is biting. What da hell is going on???? I'm trying to give away some prime, Grade A kitty and no one wants any. WTF?!?!? Well, long story short, I got ahold of C.A.M. last night, after smoking sum other unfortunate cat's illegals (this dude is not Grade A kitty worthy)and he assured me that he would come by and knock this shyt out. Welllllll, I woke up about 3 A.M. this morning, sans penis. Curses! Foiled again!! I did call him this afternoon to let him know that he aint shyt! All I got was a whole lotta empty ass apologizing and a promise for sum dack tonight. Talking about, he was sooooooooo drunk last night, he slept in his car. Sure you did, if by "car" u mean wrapped up in-be-twixt sum other chicks thighs. Nope, can't fool me twice. I won't be counting on that shyt. I guess me and my right hand have another date tonight(wink).

Neverending cycle

Have you ever heard sum news that just floored you. Well with my "ex" Stinkem told me that he's contemplating getting hitched. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW(insert Flava Flav face here)! I mean gee..by contemplate, I mean like these sumamabitches got rangs and everythang. Not really sure how I feel about all of that. Hows that for a damn how-do-ya-do? I aint gonna do nuthing silly...I guess technically I could if I wanted to. But I'm not. Maybe I'll bust a move like this......



Man! Does this mean no more good dack????

Al Green is my PASTUH!!!!

I think I had the Holy Ghost a little off of this one**waving right hand to God/left hand over heart/eyes closed tight** Do yourself a favor and take a listen. So, turn whatever random bullshit that is playing to the right, the fuck off and get you sum 'ligion this Sunday morning!




And of course, I had to be under the influence of illegals when I saw it. But, hey, u never know how or where he'll make Himself known to you. I just happened to be up smoking and watching an old ass episode of Soul Train.

Hot shit!! Oooops can you say a gospel song is hot shit??? Y'all know what I mean. I'm saying my prayers and going to bed. I think I may have had some sort of revelation. Maybe He is waiting for me........

Come and get ur daddy PLEASE

I was browsing around OBC today and lo and behold, look who wants to have a bootycall


Name: BOWLEGGS68
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 180
Eyes: HAZEL
Hair: BLACK
City: MILWAUKEE
State: WI
Ethnicity: Black / African descent
Orientation: Straight
Expectation: Friends first, benefits later

ORLY! GTFOH!!! Are you serious???? Yeah lemme get right on that. Das exactly what I'm looking for! A damn Cat-Daddy! What would make him think that a fine, young tender-roni' such as myself, would be interested???? I guess I gotta Give him an 'A' for effort. Talking about his expectations are "Friends first, benefits later". What da hell kinda benefits? Social Security? Medicare? He is killing me softly with that pank ass(what is that rayon? silk?)short set. I bet you 2 Crispy Ranch Snack Wraps(no lettuce, extra ranch)that he has on some sort of slip-n-slides on with no socks. Y/N? I'm too dead that this shyt right here. Well put me in my casket and bury me a G!!! I'm done!

P.S. If you reading this, Mr. Old Dude, if u wanna come by in your El Dorado and share your Meals on Wheels lunch with me, I guess that would be cool. It's better than what I have going on currently.

Stop the press! Who's that?

Great day in the morning!!!!! Have you ever seen such Big Boy Sexy before??? OMG!!!! Rick Ross is the truth!!!! He, to me, is the epitome of sexy. The things I would to to all of that...mmmmmmmmmmm man boobs! And to think that he's dating Foxxy Brown scorches my grits! So I'm putting an open invite to the heffa to an old fashion beat down. He needs a big girl to show him the Way, the Truth, and the Light. She doesn't know what to do with all of that. I do! Trust and believe. Well lemme go and dry my tears.....

79 Missed Calls

My guy Mr. Smoke and Mirrors is over here tonight indulging in sum illegals with me and this cat's phone is off the meter. This chick has been calling him since about 9:15. As of right now we are at call 79! WHO DA FUCK calls sumbody like that? What is that fucking important? He thinks it's the dack. I had to ask him if he dips his shyt in heroin or sumthing? That would be a fucked up trick to play on a bitch. I would only want HIS dack. No other dack would do it for me. Pussy lips looking like Pookie's dry ass mouth. Willing to to anything for THAT dack. LOL!

Lemme shut my high ass up.....

P.S. I think she's just silly.

why

I know somebody’s gonna get mad when I say this. I know it’s a generalization….. but these Milwaukee dudes are crazy! Why is it sooooo hard to meet a nice guy? Why do guys try to talk to you and upon rejection they want to tell you how u aint this and that? Why do things have to get soooooooooo ugly? Why is every Milwaukee cat against dating? Why do all Milwaukee cats wanna get down but they say they aint “trix”? Everything on u is cool. Ur gas, ur time and whatever else you decide to add to the mix yet they don’t even have the common sense to buy a rubber if u wanted to give them sum.


Why is something simple as dating like pullin teeth? R the guys really that broke or just that damn cheap? What happened to chivalry? Why does a guy feel like if he takes you out hes a trick?


If you’ve been to a swing party (more than one) does that make u a swinger? Why does that turn a man on until he finds out that he cant cut? Why can a guy have the same amount of lovers but you be considered promiscuous and he not be? He's a player, pimp and ur a hoodrat, a bopper a jumpdown. did i miss something?


I thought I had found my new baby daddy. Nuthin lost nuthin gained. Well actually I’ve gained good friend/partner/lover. A cheap Milwaukee nigga’s loss, another’s gain. I’m good but im jus sayin. When does the vicious cycle end. The cycle where a guy is a trick if hes nice to a girl or “spends money” and if the guy don’t spend no money then the girl says he cant get none. Really the circle has to stop somewhere……


Remember this:

Anything worth havin is worth earning
Nothing meaningful is easy
You get what u pay for


I could go on and on but I wont. Not today anyways……